so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
