Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize