A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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