Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize