The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
