How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Im part way to drunk.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
