sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize