so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
