community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize