I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
