if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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