i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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