he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
