Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Non-Jews are for practice
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
