my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
