??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
nutella sex= disaster
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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