well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
