Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
