im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
