My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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