This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
