I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
someone owes me an orgasm
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
