Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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