Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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