My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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