so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
