i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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