just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
