U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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