I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
