I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
