this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
