the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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