break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
