well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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