I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
