I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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