i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
