a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
