My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
