I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
