I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
