Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize