mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
did you just send me my own nude
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
