He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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