I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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