I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize