I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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