LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
