Apparently you make a good broom.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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