My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
