After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
