when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
