Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
