that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize