it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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