I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Michael Bay diarrhea
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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