We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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