Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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