Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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