do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
