he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
