That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
