I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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