For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
