While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
