my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
he just fucked me for my cheese..
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
