Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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