why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
