I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
