Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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