Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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