just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Randomize
