Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
There's even glitter on my cock...
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