Apparently you make a good broom.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
